I knew the day I started this silly blog that I'd have to make this entry someday.
Knowing hasn't made it any easier.
When I first saw Mattie's adoption picture on Craigslist way back in 2006, I remember thinking "No, you can't actually get a dog. You live in Isla Vista. You're a student. You don't know how to take care of a dog. You are being silly."
That week, I kept looking at the posting of an adorably muppet-like scruffy terrier mix from Mississippi who "is still a bit guarded" (I've since learned that this is shelter-speak for "This dog has some behavioral issues"). After about a week of falling for her through a picture, I sent off an email to Andrea Stout (the director of DAWG at the time, who had brought her home to foster after Mattie decided to stop eating in the shelter), and we set up an introduction.
The dog that I met that fateful day (October 4th, 2006) at Douglas Preserve was a timid, quirky girl who, for some reason, decided immediately that we would be stuck together for her forever. I remember the exact moment when she ran back to me after getting scared by another dog on day one. Looking back, I realize that it was settled at that very moment: we belonged to each other.
We were fated to be a family together in this world. Mattie moved in.
What happened next was the most wonderful eleven year adventure with a best friend that made me, and my life, immeasurably and forever better.
We hiked. We roamed. We swam (well...waded). We fished, got lost, got found, went to parks, made friends, ate too much, moved, hugged, cried, ran, rambled, camped, road tripped. We taught, went to parties, traveled, made new friends, lost friends, met new nieces and nephews. After years of searching for him, we found Greg.
We did it all together.
Mattie was my companion, my adventure buddy, my co-instructor, my therapist, my little heartbeat, my protector, my scruffy shadow, my best friend, and my family.
She is largely responsible for the incredible life that I have today - it is not hyperbole when I say that I don't think I would have made it through grad school without her. I also don't think that I would have been brave enough to spend summers living in the mountains, roaming around in our red Nissan pick-up, if I didn't have her by my side. When I consider that those things - finishing grad school so that I could be come a teacher, and learning that I belong in the mountains and sagebrush wandering - have been the most influential "events" in my life over the past 15 years (besides Greg, of course), I realize how that 30-pound mutt with beautiful brown eyes (and haywire eyebrows) changed everything.
The role that she has played in transforming me can't be overstated. Then after eleven amazing years spent taking care of me, she knew that she could go. She waited to say goodbye until I had found a new family with Greg so that she knew I'd be okay. The added benefit was that her family was also completed when Greg and Milo walked into it.
Mattie started as a starving, scared Hurricane Katrina rescue and became a California mountain adventurer.
Mattie was looking for a way out of the shelter, and what she found was a home where she was safe and warm.
Mattie needed an owner, but what she got was a family that loved her unconditionally for every second that we had her here with us. We still love her. We will love her forever.
I am utterly heartbroken without her. There is a hole in my heart and in my world where she should be. I miss her every second of every day.
In my grief, I am just so indescribably grateful for what she has left me with - a beautiful life with a family of my own, a lifetime of memories of adventures that we created together, and a heart that is so much bigger and braver because she is in it.
The blog will still be Travels With Mattie. Because from now until the day I am dust blowing in the sagebrush next to her, I know that Mattie will still be traveling with me on every adventure. She's just in my heart instead of at my heels.
Thank you, sweet Mattie. Thank you for everything. Thank you for the life that you have helped me to create. Thank you for being my best friend.
I love you forever.
We find each other.
Allison
Knowing hasn't made it any easier.
When I first saw Mattie's adoption picture on Craigslist way back in 2006, I remember thinking "No, you can't actually get a dog. You live in Isla Vista. You're a student. You don't know how to take care of a dog. You are being silly."
 |
| Mattie's posting in the newspaper. |
That week, I kept looking at the posting of an adorably muppet-like scruffy terrier mix from Mississippi who "is still a bit guarded" (I've since learned that this is shelter-speak for "This dog has some behavioral issues"). After about a week of falling for her through a picture, I sent off an email to Andrea Stout (the director of DAWG at the time, who had brought her home to foster after Mattie decided to stop eating in the shelter), and we set up an introduction.
The dog that I met that fateful day (October 4th, 2006) at Douglas Preserve was a timid, quirky girl who, for some reason, decided immediately that we would be stuck together for her forever. I remember the exact moment when she ran back to me after getting scared by another dog on day one. Looking back, I realize that it was settled at that very moment: we belonged to each other.
We were fated to be a family together in this world. Mattie moved in.
What happened next was the most wonderful eleven year adventure with a best friend that made me, and my life, immeasurably and forever better.
We hiked. We roamed. We swam (well...waded). We fished, got lost, got found, went to parks, made friends, ate too much, moved, hugged, cried, ran, rambled, camped, road tripped. We taught, went to parties, traveled, made new friends, lost friends, met new nieces and nephews. After years of searching for him, we found Greg.
We did it all together.
Mattie was my companion, my adventure buddy, my co-instructor, my therapist, my little heartbeat, my protector, my scruffy shadow, my best friend, and my family.
She is largely responsible for the incredible life that I have today - it is not hyperbole when I say that I don't think I would have made it through grad school without her. I also don't think that I would have been brave enough to spend summers living in the mountains, roaming around in our red Nissan pick-up, if I didn't have her by my side. When I consider that those things - finishing grad school so that I could be come a teacher, and learning that I belong in the mountains and sagebrush wandering - have been the most influential "events" in my life over the past 15 years (besides Greg, of course), I realize how that 30-pound mutt with beautiful brown eyes (and haywire eyebrows) changed everything.
The role that she has played in transforming me can't be overstated. Then after eleven amazing years spent taking care of me, she knew that she could go. She waited to say goodbye until I had found a new family with Greg so that she knew I'd be okay. The added benefit was that her family was also completed when Greg and Milo walked into it.
Mattie started as a starving, scared Hurricane Katrina rescue and became a California mountain adventurer.
Mattie was looking for a way out of the shelter, and what she found was a home where she was safe and warm.
Mattie needed an owner, but what she got was a family that loved her unconditionally for every second that we had her here with us. We still love her. We will love her forever.
I am utterly heartbroken without her. There is a hole in my heart and in my world where she should be. I miss her every second of every day.
In my grief, I am just so indescribably grateful for what she has left me with - a beautiful life with a family of my own, a lifetime of memories of adventures that we created together, and a heart that is so much bigger and braver because she is in it.
The blog will still be Travels With Mattie. Because from now until the day I am dust blowing in the sagebrush next to her, I know that Mattie will still be traveling with me on every adventure. She's just in my heart instead of at my heels.
Thank you, sweet Mattie. Thank you for everything. Thank you for the life that you have helped me to create. Thank you for being my best friend.
I love you forever.
We find each other.
Allison
Just beautiful, Allison. We cried as we read this. She is forever a part of you, and everyone she touched. With our love and sadness for your loss, D&K
ReplyDeleteThis is so full of love and beautifully written - I cried when I read it too, and it's been a few months since you posted it (and I cried when I read it then too). Love you so much, Skirbs, and I agree with Dawn - Mattie will forever be a part of you and everyone else who was lucky enough to meet her.
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